Being a parent is tiring, no doubt about it. Add balancing a career, a household, plus maybe being a single parent without support or a caregiver to ailing parents, and burnout is practically guaranteed.
Before you know it, mothers and fathers find themselves at their doctor’s office with symptoms such as insomnia, panic attacks, depression or physical problems such as backache, arthritis or joint pain. But the prescription for what ails parents in Germany may not be for pills or creams.
Those lucky parents may leave with doctor’s orders for a four-week spa break by the sea or in the mountains.
Germany has a long history of what is called “Kur,” literally translated as cure, which often consists of lengthy breaks aimed at curing various ailments.
These cures involve “Heilbad,” or healing baths, in spa towns such as Baden-Baden, Wiesbaden, Bad Ems – anything with “Bad” in the name really – where getting away to “take the waters” in healing springs dates back centuries.
Germany has around 350 designated spa towns, with many designated as UNESCO World Heritage sites. They’ve been frequented over the centuries by royalty and high society, but also by ailing people from across Europe and the world, all traveling to Germany to relax and heal in what today would be called wellness resorts.
‘I had severe sleeping problems’
Focused on preventative as well as restorative care, a Kur is frequently aimed at burned-out parents. Mutter-und-kind and vater-und-kind (mother-and-child and father-and-child) cures are something all Germans are entitled to take advantage of every four years, with the vast majority of the four-week all-inclusive breaks paid for by their health insurance.
But in reality, the treatments most often come when a parent has reached a breaking point.
That was the case for police officer Cécile Poirot from Elmshorn in northern Germany.
“At the time, I was still living with my ex-husband and the father of my daughter, about 220 km from Hamburg, where I worked, and moving from one state to another is extremely difficult in the police force. So, I often drove to Hamburg at 2 a.m. for the early shift, worked, and drove back in the afternoon or evening,” Poirot said.
“At some point, after doing this for a few years, I had severe sleeping problems and had reached a vicious circle of overtiredness and insomnia. In the police force in Hamburg, we have so-called ‘Gesundheitslotsen,’ people responsible for looking out for potential problems and trying to offer help with regards to our wellbeing. My sorry state was flagged, and my doctor prescribed a four-week cure for me and my then 6-year-old daughter at a clinic.”
A long wait-list
Mother and child cures started after World War II, when the Müttergenesungswerk (MGW), which roughly translates as institute for mothers’ wellbeing, was founded. The charitable organization was established to help women cope with motherhood, work and getting their lives back on track after the war, when many fathers did not return home.
MGW is unique to Germany, says Petra Gerstkamp, the organization’s deputy managing director. “In other European countries, there is no such specific service on offer. In some cases, inpatient rehabilitation measures exist, but primarily to maintain the ability to work.”
Today, parent-child healing retreats are offered in clinics run either by health insurers or the MGW and are available to mothers and fathers. Germany does not have free national health care, so people pay monthly premiums that ultimately fund clinics operated by insurance companies. MGW is a charitable organization that supports caregivers who might otherwise fall through the cracks.
While preventing exhaustion and other physical and emotional problems would be ideal, the treatment is often administered as a response to burnout as it was in Poirot’s case.
That’s because a parent needs to exhibit certain symptoms and receive a diagnosis from a doctor to qualify for the therapeutic break. The doctor sets the process in motion and then the patient receives potential dates for booking. There are also waiting lists, even though there are more than 150 clinics dotted throughout the country.
The symptoms that doctors look for
Gerstkamp says that mental as well as physical symptoms are taken into consideration:
“Symptoms such as strong and rapid irritability, listlessness, constant exhaustion and tiredness and insomnia are noticed. Those affected often ‘just cry’ and usually feel overwhelmed even by small, everyday tasks.
“The danger is that these people will no longer be able to turn to a counselling center on their own. It is therefore the task to identify the need for preventive and rehabilitation measures as early as possible – especially because the waiting time for a spa place can be very long.”
In 2022, there were 44,525 mothers and 2,320 fathers who took part in preventive or rehabilitative treatment at clinics in the MGW network, according to MGW data.
Most of the mothers treated at MGW facilities are between the ages of 36 and 45. MGW statistics show that mothers usually work part-time (20-35 hours) and fathers full-time.
The proportion of single parents in MGW clinics is disproportionately high in relation to the overall share in society. The share of single fathers – over 24% – exceeds the overall share of 15%.
Yoga and therapy
At a clinic by the North Sea, Poirot tried out yoga for the first time, enjoyed long walks in nature and participated in water aerobics. She found the discussion groups with a psychologist and individual sessions on the spin bike most helpful.
“My stay took a lot of pressure off. While my main problem lay in the constellation of distance [between] workplace / place of residence, I took away valuable tips from the discussion rounds and I learned to lower the demands on myself with regards to trying to be both a perfect mother and perfect policewoman,” she said.
And while it might sound counterproductive to send exhausted parents into restful therapy with their children, as Poirot was when she and her daughter stayed at the clinic, this option tends to be preferable to the parents, according to Gerstkamp.
“Most mothers take a cure with their children, not only, but of course also because they have no other care option. Originally, the mothers’ cures were always without the children. Since the 1970s, it has been less and less desirable to place children in third-party care, despite the health insurance paying for childcare and household help during the absence of the parent,” Gerstkamp said.
When parents arrive at the clinic, they are assessed and various treatments, therapies, sports and relaxation options are scheduled based on their individual needs. Children are looked after during the day away from the parent, but they have the option to participate in certain activities together.
Treatment plans could include medical diagnostics and treatment, physical and relaxation exercises, individual and group discussions and programs aimed at parent-child interaction. Some clinics have programs tailored to parents in particular situations, such as those who are grieving a loved one or are separating from a partner.
“Together, solutions are developed that will help patients to cope with everyday life again and prevent (further) health problems,” Gerstkamp explained. “The exchange with other mothers or fathers also plays a major role.”
